


Negative by Negative.

by Jackeline Harkness (Jackeline_Harkness)



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Iron Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Compensation, M/M, Self Confidence Issues, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-01
Updated: 2014-12-01
Packaged: 2018-02-27 18:05:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2702225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jackeline_Harkness/pseuds/Jackeline%20Harkness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve has some issues that make him think he's doomed to never find his one true love.<br/>Unless someone else's issues make up for his own.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Negative by Negative.

**Negative by negative.**

Steve had always been a fighter.

He’d always known it, even back in the days when he was so small and physically –and it was important to mark that difference– weak that his particular sense of pride didn’t’ allow him to say it aloud, except to himself. After the serum, he’d been worried for a while that maybe the serum hadn’t changed just his body, but his personality as well. That, despite Dr. Erskine’s best efforts, he had lost some of his humanity.

He wasn’t worried about the… adventures. At first, he’d told himself that, just like the others said, it was just natural that it happened, what with the adrenaline and he constant threat that every minute could be the last, and the comradeship and the cold nights spent so damn far away from the ladies. He’d told his occasional partner that he was sure that was it. To himself, he’d thought that it had never really mattered to him. He’d always liked courage and passion and dark hair and full lips, and his artistic heart didn’t much care whether his ideal partner called themselves he or she.

It was Bucky who said it didn’t really go that way. There certainly weren’t many women around during the war, but there were nurses, assistants, secretaries and the odd agent or soldier; and while there weren’t many of them around, technically all of them had been more than glad to keep him company, national icon and all. Many of the male soldiers were pretty willing, too, but there was always the risk of being found out, of a scandal and a dishonorable discharge, or many worse things…

“It got too easy, after the serum,” Bucky had said, a tumbler of scotch lazily swirling in his hand, “getting a lady isn’t hard anymore, so it doesn’t sate the hunter in you.”

Bucky had known him better than anyone, himself included, so hearing it from the man’s lips turned it into an absolute truth, even if he’d suspected it himself since before.

Peggy hadn’t been a sure thing. Far from it. Her professionalism and her personality made her delicious to court, to chase with the energy he never dedicated to women –and even men– anymore. Knowing that she’d dump him and move on if he messed up, that she would never even give him a date, was enough to make her precious to him.

Then, things happened too fast, and for him, the whole world changed in a literal blink of an eye. One second, he was crashing a plane into the ocean; the next, he was opening his eyes to a new century.

And then, there was him.

Not only was he handsome and smart and witty and brave, and capable of taking care of himself most of the time. He was a complex, utterly genuine person, and even when he was trying to paint himself as a charismatic jerk, at the bottom of his quite impressive pile of issues, he was a good man. Steve knew that, regardless of the century he lived, good people were something to be treasured.

One day, he’d woken up and realized that it had been a full week since the first time he and Tony slept together. The engineer was still asleep, with his forehead pressed against Steve’s shoulder, and he couldn’t help the wave of fear, of something dangerously close to self-loath. How long could it be, before he lost interest in him like he always lost interest in any other lover?

He lived in constant fear, dreading the knowledge that one day he might go out to dinner with Howard’s son and find his eyes wandering away from the other man. He almost ended it out of pure self-hate. Almost hated Bucky for speaking those words that could very well be a damn prophecy.

His anxiety only got worse when the other Avengers found out and were all so accepting and supporting. It was getting too comfortable, too easy… and he knew his heart didn’t do easy.

And then, it happened.

It had all been very normal, just another morning at the tower, business as usual around the breakfast table, when he’d traded his chocolate chip muffin for Tony’s plain vanilla one. Clint had then made one of his typical comments about marriage and what were they going to name their children?

Tony had panicked.

Right at that instant, the reaction was so subtle that it went over everyone’s head, and Steve himself thought it had been his imagination. Except afterwards Tony went back to working too much, going to bed when Steve was already rising. He knew him well enough to know that Steve would be too worried about his lack of sleep to argue about anything. Then, he’d cancelled a date, and Steve started to get worried. And then, Tony broke up with him.

Even living in the same damn place, it was impossible to talk to him when he was actively avoiding him, up until the moment when JARVIS decided to take matters in his own virtual hands, because he knew his creator well enough to recognize a self-destructive behavior when he saw one, and he had enough independence to act against Tony’s wishes when it came to his creator’s well-being.

So, the AI ended up helping him corral his lover and force him to have a serious talk.

It was like that, after almost four days running only on caffeine and locked in the workshop at three AM, that Steve was witness to Tony’s emotional breakdown and a lengthy exposition of the ample catalogue of Tony’s issues. All of his daddy issues, self-worth issues, commitment issues…

It was like that, with Tony an emotional mess covered in muck and circuit boards cleaner, that Steve knew for certain that it was the real deal.

Tony, because of all of his very personal problems, was hard to re-conquest, and almost impossible to keep.

It was then that Steve understood that he’d gotten very lucky, that he’d somehow found the one person who’d never get… boring; who’d keep him on his toes and would never become part of the dull routine; someone he’d have to chase after and fight to keep every single day of his life.

He could almost head Bucky’s comment, see his smug smirk as he said: “Told you you’d be fine. That you’d someday find someone with the kind of messed up life that’d make up for yours. Negative by negative, pal.”

Negative by negative, indeed.


End file.
